I used to believe there was a distinct segregation between two ‘worlds’ - one good, one bad. This dichotomy was applied to nearly everything around me, from events to people, and even my own decisions. At times, it felt like I was confined in a straitjacket, creating a constant sense of unease and uncertainty about my actions. As time passed, the rigid separation between these two worlds began to blur, bringing them curiously close together. It became evident that good and bad are not clear-cut polarities but rather nuanced aspects of our experiences. They are not opposites. We may not like one end of the scale, and so we call it bad, but this does not make bad an opposite polarity of good.
Now, I won't extend this approach to 'really bad things and events' because I can't. Yet, this state of equanimity or acceptance of the relative nature of good and bad once applied to some aspects of my life, internally and externally, has helped me over time. To allow you to gain a better understanding of the divide, I will try to describe it metaphorically.
The best way I can explain it is if I examine the separation of the two worlds to staring through a rain-spattered windowpane. One could look straight through the coating of rain droplets covering the glass pane, subconsciously registering them as an inconvenient obstacle that needed to be overcome, and thus, automatically and instinctively ignoring them. On the other hand, one could also focus directly on the rain droplets and visually register them in their own right while still having the ability to look through them to the other side.
At times, you may find yourself feeling shock waves of badness when you do something you were taught was wrong even if now you don't agree that it's bad. In these times, remember that you are a human with every right to be here, learning and exploring. To label yourself good or bad is to think too small. What you are is a decision-maker, and every moment provides you with the opportunity to move in the direction of evolution or in the direction of stagnation or degradation.
Sometimes our choices and actions lead us in different directions. At times, these choices take us in the opposite direction of the reality we want to create for ourselves. Instead of labeling ourselves as good or bad, it's essential to acknowledge the choices that lead us down a particular path. We can then let go, forgive ourselves, and prepare for the next opportunity to choose and act in ways that align with our best intentions.
Resist being blinded by the peaks and valleys of wins and losses in life, and be kinder to yourself and others. Choose improving yourself over killing yourself just to attain a ridiculous standard of perfection. You have strengths, and you have weaknesses. Sometimes you succeed, and sometimes you fail. Sometimes you’re right, and sometimes you’re wrong. It is just the way things are, so try to accept yourself and allow yourself to fully be who you are. In the end, only you know the difference. If you find yourself going into self-judgment, try to stop yourself as soon as you can and come back to the center. Do not undermine your ability to find your own moral center and to trust and be guided by your inner self.
Be aware! You will figure out the balance along the way. Know that you are not good or bad; you are simply you.
